For those of you who don’t know, Jeff Green and the Seattle SuperSonics are no longer Jeff Green and the Seattle SuperSonics. They are Jeff Green and the Okalahoma City … well no one knows just yet. Even though the move was made official back in beginning of July, they’ve been nameless ever since. Until now.

Tomorrow, the Oklahoma City Whatevers will announce their real name and it won’t be pretty. They’ve narrowed it down to six names: Wind, Thunder, Energy, Marshalls, Bison, and Barons. I’ve written those names in the order in which I like them starting from the worst, and gradually getting better.

The first three names are pretty bad, actually. You never want your team nickname to sound like it could belong to a Planeteer. (Miami, that includes you).

You never want your team name to sound like a department store either, so Marshalls is out, along with one of their preliminary options, the Oklahoma City JCPenneys.

Bison’s actually not too bad since there aren’t enough animal mascots in the NBA. You don’t find too many Celtics, Knicks, or Lakers out in the wild, so having a true American mascot would be good for the League. Then again, how appropriate is it to name your team after an animal that was almost driven to extinction by a bunch of trigger happy Midwesterners? That would be like naming your team the Oslo Seals or the Beijing Great White Sharks.

I think going with Barons would be the best thing for Oklahoma City right now based on their options. At least that way they’d have an excuse to let Count von Count call their games. “Three! Three-point play! Ah ah ah.”

But to me, I think Oklahoma City needs to expand their options. And they should take their cue from the Hoyas abroad. Last year, Jameel Watkins played in the Philippines for a team formerly known as the San Miguel Beermen, then known as the Magnolia Beverage Masters, and currently known as the San Miguel Beermen again. Beermen is an awesome name for a basketball team, kinda like the Milwaukee Brewers, but way awesomer. But then once they changed to Beverage Masters, I don’t know why they switched back. In a league with teams sponsored by Coca Cola and Red Bull, naming your team Beverage Masters seems to be a great way to start your season on top. Oh, and Wesley Wilson also plays in the PBA for a team known as the Realtors. And Oklahoma City Beverage Masters sounds a lot cooler than Oklahoma City Realtors.

Jonathan Wallace just got signed to play for Union Olimpija in Slovenia. Their team name is the Green Dragons, which is pretty cool. And when I started planning to write this article, I thought Brandon Bowman still played for Basket Draghi Novara in Italy. At that time, I thought the ex-Sonics should definitely go with the Dragons because that way Brandon, Jonathan, maybe Tyler, and Jeff could all be on teams named after flying mythical beasts. Which would be cool. Kinda.

But then we got that email saying that Brandon had been traded to play in Germany called Telkom Baskets Bonn. After doing a little research, I found that their mascot is a lion named Bonni. And he is amazing. Not only have I decided that Oklahoma City needs to choose the nickname Lions, but I insist that they hire Bonni to be their mascot. Incidentally, you can also book him.

So there you have it, my best options for Oklahoma City. Tomorrow, we’ll find out that they’ve gone with the Oklahoma City Thunder or Marshalls or Wind and we’ll all be a little bit disappointed. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t go out and buy a Jeff Green jersey and wear it on top of our homemade Bonni costume.